ChocolateSkiBunny
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Monday, January 24--Employers and ski resorts from the Midwest to New England are baffled by a sudden outbreak of the mysterious and infectious disease snow-itis.
The main symptom of snow-itis is a sudden allergic reaction to engaging in everyday activities. Today, businesses all over the northeast received calls from workers reporting that their snow-itis rendered them unable to report to work.
The causes of snow-itis are unknown, but scientists have been studying a link between its outbreaks and weather patterns that result in large amounts of snow. While snowstorms are normally associated with inconvenience, a decrease in parking spaces, school closings, subzero temperatures, and the resulting stress, snow-itis victims derive and express pleasure from the situation. They have been spotted jumping up and down in their front yards screaming "We're getting a dump! F**ing-A!" Even worse, they have also been known to whistle a happy tune while digging their vehicles of snowdrifts.
While there is no known cure for snow-itis, the only effective treatment seems to be a day of snow-related activity at the nearest ski resort. While this activity usually involves the use of alpine skis, snowboards, snowshoes, nordic skis and and telemark skis are also popular with snow-itis patients. Treatment consists of using the aforementioned objects to move across snow-covered terrain with all deliberate speed, followed by a period of eating, drinking, and partying.
More on this story as it develops.
The main symptom of snow-itis is a sudden allergic reaction to engaging in everyday activities. Today, businesses all over the northeast received calls from workers reporting that their snow-itis rendered them unable to report to work.
The causes of snow-itis are unknown, but scientists have been studying a link between its outbreaks and weather patterns that result in large amounts of snow. While snowstorms are normally associated with inconvenience, a decrease in parking spaces, school closings, subzero temperatures, and the resulting stress, snow-itis victims derive and express pleasure from the situation. They have been spotted jumping up and down in their front yards screaming "We're getting a dump! F**ing-A!" Even worse, they have also been known to whistle a happy tune while digging their vehicles of snowdrifts.
While there is no known cure for snow-itis, the only effective treatment seems to be a day of snow-related activity at the nearest ski resort. While this activity usually involves the use of alpine skis, snowboards, snowshoes, nordic skis and and telemark skis are also popular with snow-itis patients. Treatment consists of using the aforementioned objects to move across snow-covered terrain with all deliberate speed, followed by a period of eating, drinking, and partying.
More on this story as it develops.