All of us are vicariously enjoying Skidog's last weeks of pre-fatherhood freedom.
Skidog's Future: 50+ Day Ski Seasons or Apocalypse?
- Thread starter jamesdeluxe
- Start date
jamesdeluxe":2mik14u2 said:
Isn't this the total truth...
James are we warming up to each other finally????
Im going to miss all this fun....i've only got a couple months left....
great trip...great fun...great friends....great locale....what more could one EVER ask for....???
M
Marc_C
Active member
I don't understand this at all. I've known plenty of dedicated skiers and rock climbers for whom having a kid made little to no difference in their playtime lilfestyle after the first 4 - 6 months. I've seen many families simply take the kid along (much to the consternation of those of use who really don't like children, the younger the worse - but that's a different topic for discussion).Skidog":lfksz7nj said:
If it does put a severe damper on your outdoor activities, I'm assuming that pressure comes from your spouse/partner ('cause the kid sure can't do so yet). If that's the case, then your partner really doesn't understand who you are as a person, what drives you, and what your passions are.
Marc_C":22q6iaz6 said:
Not meaning to pull rank on you, but I assume you don't have kids. Where else would the pressure come from other than the spouse or partner? If they don't have relatives nearby or substantial financial reserves to afford an au pair-type arrangement, his life is going to change. Even if she "understands who he is as a person, what drives him, and what his passions are," he ain't going back to 50+ days for a long time.
jamesdeluxe":vcj2qb9f said:
I disagree. Remember...this isn't about driving from NYC to VT, or even Belleayre. It's 20 minutes away. Assuming that he doesn't get the pressure from home, what's to prevent driving up canyon early on a Saturday morning, ski for a few hours and be back home shortly after noon? What real effect does that have on the home life? None, as far as I can see. Chances are his S.O. and child would be sitting around the house on a Saturday morning anyway.
In our situation it's very do-able. I can see a very different situation if a ski day involved driving at least a few hours each way.
Marc_C
Active member
Nope. Never wanted them. Genuinely don't like them.jamesdeluxe":3joy5883 said:
Guilt? I don't know. People have kids and come up with all sorts of weird-ass reasons for their behavior!jamesdeluxe":3joy5883 said:
Why? That's my entire point. The partner who doesn't ski is entirely capable of taking care of the kid for the 6 or so hours of a weekend ski day and can do so both weekend days when you live within a half hour of Alta. If they're only "allowing" you out of the house for x hours or y days, then they really don't quite know who they married.jamesdeluxe":3joy5883 said:
I know of several couples who are passionate, dedicated skiers. Starting when their kid was about 3 months, they'd go skiing weekly, for the entire weekend. They simply took turns taking care of the kid. If one spouse doesn't ski, that becomes even easier.
[Edited to add:]Basically, if you've already decided that having a kid is going to vastly curtail your outdoor activities, then it will; you've psychologically insulated yourself from finding creative solutions to the problem at that point.
Admin":3puyliap said:
No question, and I would love to have that kind of situation.
If I remember correctly, Skidog mentioned that they'll both be working fulltime after her maternity leave. Because of that (it's the deal I've had for the past three years and it's a lot more difficult than you'd think when there are no grandparent resources nearby), I was taking issue with MarcC's contention that very little will change.
Apologies for starting the thread hijack.
Marc_C
Active member
My contention is that very little has to change, unless a partner is being completely unrealistic. And that is often driven by not understanding that their spouse doesn't choose to ski or climb - they do so because they have to. Admittedly, I've seen this far more in rock climbing than in skiing, where many more participants don't see it as simply an outdoor activity, but an essential component of who they are. I've seen more relationships fail than I care to remember because the non-participatory partner either didn't see (or wish to see) or understand this darker side of what we do. (I've also seen a fair number of spousal climbing partnerships fail because of competitive pressure or mutually exclusive obsessive behavior between the partners. Again, a whole different discussion.)jamesdeluxe":hhabyod4 said:
Marc_C
Active member
Patrick gets it. And as an aside, my wife and I once had this exact conversation with Skidog's spouse. She was pretty shocked when she looked to my wife to support her position. Being a 5.10+ climber back in the day (before 5.12 and above even existed), my wife simply didn't.Patrick":19vmeu02 said:...it's starts with ASSUMING that he doesn't get the pressure from home.
Patrick
Well-known member
Marc_C":2jvl083l said:
There is some give and take on both sides. If the spouse doesn't choose to ski or not, isn't that much of an issue. If spouse skis and wants to ski, she'll want get off to the slopes on a Saturday morning and have Skidog kept the kid. 8)
HOWEVER things can be worked out. It worked out pretty when our first daughter was born, we got to the mountain and took turns taking care of her in the lodge. The thing that was really hard was getting the energy to take care of the house, baby, laundry and get some sleep.
Good luck Skidog, it ain't that bad afterall.
Patrick":3jlz57lb said:
thanks...im super excited and im sure some things will change but certainly some will get MUCH better....obviously I wish I could fast forward to when she can walk and get her on skis, but it will be super cool either way.
Oh and James...we are still trying to work out the working situation. Wife might be able to work from home, and we MIGHT...i STRESS MIGHT, be able to make it on my income alone..though i wont be able to buy as many "toys" for me...
M
Patrick
Well-known member
Skidog":2yivnr4z said:
50??? After what I read from Marc_C, am sure your wife will want a talk about that later also. Maybe not now, maybe not next Winter, but at some point in time. :shock:
At that point, you'll be able to post it in the Apocalypse in the Kitchen thread. :lol:
Patrick
Well-known member
Skidog":jndu34kz said:
One word of advice for someone with two beautiful daughters. I know it's hard, and you can't wait until the next step, I was the same way.
Each time period has it's advantages and disadvantages (which you only realize after it's over). LIVE THE PRESENT MOMENT ONE STEP AT A TIME, they grow up real fast. I found that out at baby #2.
Patrick":23ib2arv said:
Shes already agreed to one weekend day each week during the season..I also can manage a LOT of free time with my job so weekdays are certainly in play....50 would be about half of what ill total out with for 07/08 season...
If she holds off 2 winters the baby will be skiing so....
M
Marc_C":1vb6302k said:Patrick gets it. And as an aside, my wife and I once had this exact conversation with Skidog's spouse. She was pretty shocked when she looked to my wife to support her position. Being a 5.10+ climber back in the day (before 5.12 and above even existed), my wife simply didn't.Patrick":1vb6302k said:...it's starts with ASSUMING that he doesn't get the pressure from home.
Both of these points are true. I'm not about to make a prediction about Skidog's S.O.'s reaction, at least not in public, although I have my own predictions. :lol: Marc_C's point, which is right on target, is that in this situation it doesn't have to change much, if anything.
If the S.O. is working full time during the week, he/she is going to want recreation time on the weekends too. Likely options to avoid conflict/resentment:
1) babysitter/au pair if you both want to to ski or do whatever.
2) You'll be skiing one day of each weekend, but expect to be "on duty" the other one.
3) The sharing might be seasonal. You'll be skiing winter weekends, but you'll be doing more child care during other seasons.